COME BACK!!!

hey,

so, its been a long long time i expressed myself....
ah..... just the fact that i'm writing seems so different.

my last post was in 2011 and here i am its 2015. 3 long years!!! phew!!!

so yes, been a long gap and i have seen my life change from nothing to something extremely beautiful and loving.
from single annoying daughter and sister i have grown with my age to be an extremely loving wife and mother to my cute little pet "buffy".

moved from India to US. looking at life from a different place, surrounding and different set of eyes...
eyes of my husband, who is extremely loving, supportive and understanding. trusts me with everything, his whole world and given me the opportunity and honor to explore this new world with him along with the package of my tantrums and love for him.
yes, i married my boyfrnd and its been 2 successful years to our marriage.
no, no children yet. but v will have a few in future :)

journey from being single to married.......... India to US............. wife to mother has been an awesome and most beautiful experience in life till date.
hope to share it with all of you out there.

till then......take care!
keep smiling :)

CONFUSED and RESTLESS!!! :-/

hey all!!!

im back again with a little confusion and restlessness in my mind. to many things in mind and im unable to see anything clearly.  :(

well for the last few days i have been happy from inside but still not happy in my mind. my mind is thinking a lot and seeing to many things. (good and bad)
i actually walked into my ex and now v r back. v wanna take it further from here but complications r to many in r way. i have always learnt to fight the right and find solutions for all the problems that come my way.....but this time it seems a little difficult.
this time its about someone whom i never ever wanna hurt in life. and im standing on a point whr i might have to choose one side outta 2. it aint gonna b easy i know....can see it, sense it.
the silence that surrounds us is an indication that a big storm is on r way and v gotta be prepared to face it. except this time im kinda torn in two parts. my loyalty is gonna b tested.....family or heart! 8-!

v 2 have spoken over it and also know how difficult its gonna be. but i dont know y, for some random reasons....i feel he is forcing himself into it. im worried for him, i want him to b happy. i just hope....tis aint bcos he fears he would lose me if he doesnt stand up now. (honestly, im just thinking abt him and not myself in any way)
are families will agree........wont agree.......i know nothing. but yes, it aint a path laid with rose petals. i see, we see more of thorns in it.
we both have spoken so much on it that v r kinda annoyed now.

over the 3 yrs that had us apart....v have individually faced so much up/downs in life that v r actually keeping that hardship in front of us before taking this step. and i personally have gone bad with words.... :(
i know i might be wrong, but i truly feel im forcing myself upon him which i shouldnt be doing. and i should draw a line somewhere.
but again.......if not him, who else will i share myself with? if its him, should i not be giving him the respect and honor of knowing my better and also a chance to understand me after all the changes that have taken place in me and in my life???
i should be!!! its his right and also my duty.
base of all relations should start on trust and honesty along with respect and love.

so yes, i think its good if v two sort it before its way to late and also if v r bad with words....im sure v can clear the misunderstandings the way v do....with r love.
yup, i think this is the right way.

i know.....i started my blog with some negativity in my mind...but as i was finding words to express myself and inking it down...images were falling into place and im able to find a solution for my issues.

I am gonna stand up for my words and take responsibility of my deeds...and also make sure i do not get ditched.
clarity is very important when certain major decisions r taken in life....marriage is a big step and clarity is very important in dis issue.
im gonna sort it with my guy and then v will take a step. no forcing, no compromises....or emotional atyachar. nope!!!! nothing negative here on.

so people if any of u find urself in similar kinda situation pls sit back and think. dont hide from ur partner ever, that would b the biggest mistake in ur relation.
u have to trust ur partner and discuss all the up/down so no awful situations arrive in future.
u may have random things in mind...but when u start talking, all falls in place. talking is the part v humans avoid always. v fear that the person in front of us might think v r fools. but no, they only respect us cos they know v believe them and r by them today and forever. :)

so speak!!!! and all will b fine.....

yup, i have been a little random and philosophical today...but hey, its my thoughts and now i feel good.
i dont know if my blog makes sense to any of u reading it....but its about me and not u. so i wont sit and give explanations on it to anyone of u.
talking....sharing.......helps!

take care all!!
keep smiling!!

trying to figure out the........

hey all!!!!

yes, im back again today with loads of confusion and a little whining.

well today im gonna share a bit of my inner turmoil. as i mentioned earlier, my marriage talk r happening at home. proposals come.....go and loads of tensions.

being in india and from a marwari family, kundali matching is very important.

so yeah, lotta astrologers r being visited. well let me inform u, i have 2 brothers and cousins in r family who r also of my age and above age.......so proposals being looked for them as well. so astrologers house is our second address  :P

and in all this hush push......all i get to understand is, its good to believe in ur birth chart a little but NOT completely. cos these things totally ruin ur ability to understand, think, decide, explain and most of all stand up for ur judgements in life be it for good or bad. and im off all this now....i dont trust any of these things anymore.

anymore, bcos till 2 months back i was kinda trying to sit with my mom or elder sister and find out wats in my future. curiosity took the better of me and i was actually not using my brains for anything. all i thought of was that wat r birth charts say is right and nothing, not even any kinda change.....changes r life. 

but now.......i disagree to all this.  i believe if v r true in r heart, honestly wish for something and work towards it....everything is possible. may b v wont benefit from it 100%, but something is better than nothing.

its easy to regret in life, but hard to fight...and fighting r way out in life with a smile is always a very satisfying feeling.

and yes this fight in life...with life is always more nicer when v have a company. that company whose presence makes all the difference in r life and whose smile makes us forget everything thats wrong. solutions become easier and the difficulties seem nothing.

i found thats someone of mine back, i think....or atleast im trying to fight it from the destiny and convince my destiny to accept it and fit it in its plans for good. for my smile which i lost on my way in life...

this new fight is gonna be difficult and the result is unknown, still....without a try im not gonna sit back. bcos i dont wanna regret things later.

well, i know im sort of unclear in my blog, still, its okay! im sure most of u out thr must b facing the same problems in life. so this situation aint new......

anyways, im gonna keep u guys updated with everything through my blog and twitter.

cant disclose the details so soon cos broken images make no sense to anyone in this world. a clear picture is always required to understand and judge the whole picture correctly.

till then.....stay happy all!!

keep smiling!!

and take care!!!

launch!!!

hey all!!!

launch of my website, not mine though.
launching website for dad's business and im gonna handle it.

its been a while i lost touch with my field (fashion designing and styling). earlier i was marketing new offers for resorts and travels, not gonna handle website and market something which is completely new to me.
the most scary thing is.....NUMBERS!! :(

i hate numbers cos im extremely bad with it. tried all means to polish myself it in, but.......... let me not say anything more on it.
anyways...dis idea of launching the website came to me 1 day when i was randomly tweeting. i saw my cousin tweet about his business with various offers. and also learnt about the feed back he got from it. he has so many followers and the way they r curious to know about various varieties in sweets and savories is simply surprising and honestly i was impressed with it.
infact all the tweets he got is something that forced me to give this website launch a thought. one thing that i said to myself was...
"if bhai can do it....i can definitely do it". and i started working on it immediately.
spoke to my frnd (brijesh) and believe me when i started working on it, i thought i knew nothing.
but after a meeting with brijesh, brinda and michele (all 3 work together) i was quite surprised myself about all i knew and was unaware of it.
for ones i was happy that i did my ground work well and was able to give in my best to all present at the meeting.
we started working on it full swing and now.....in a week il launch the website and hope to grow the business in a new way for good :)

uh........honestly speaking, i have left behind fashion industry way behind and now all i have been doin in workin on anything but designing or styling.
travel packages to new places (Still can be understood, as i have always had love to travel and do something in dis field), but the sudden jump into hotel business is surprising. its a family business and i have seen how it works since a child....but i never knew i had so much liking towards it.

the way i spoke and showed slides as to how v could profit through the website was shocking to my parents and friends. hmmmmm....me as well. :P

but yeah, now that i have taken it on me...im gonna work on it full time and enjoy it to the fullest. :)
one thing i learnt from my parents is "if u have taken a work in hand, do it with a smile bcos the choice is ur's. so no point crying".
i have always kept their words in mind and gonna follow it no matter how hard i feel its gonna get.
its a completely new area for me so im kinda scared a little....all is gonna be new, people i deal with, questions, ways, techniques, handling clients, inventory, orders, follow up........all!

scared!!!!! i hope i dont let my parents down, they really expecting a lot from me and its sort of got in my mind. and so the fear has doubled :(

but il do it.....try my best to not let them down.

take care all!!
keep smiling!

tada......

my bossy!!!

hey all!!!

ever wondered if u have a friend you can look back on at any time of day/night or at any given situation in life???
you should, bcos after family....if anyone is gonna be by u, its gonna be this friend of ur's.

so yes i have this friend of mine, whom i call bossy. his real name is brijesh sereno!!
a darling person in this whole wide world. best nature, best character, best friend or family anyone can have and extremely polite n chilled out.
call him at any time anywhr and he is thr for u. but yes, just bcos he is a nice person u cant take him for granted.
after all........its r duty to respect a person for wat and who he is.

i love my bossy and so does my family. he is more like an elder brother to me. caring......loving......tries to dominate but fails to do so...... a chick at times :P and extremely responsible person.
his family is even better than him and his wife is a sweetheart.

one things he hates abt me, my clothes! always finds it less on my body. and yes, my girly behavior (which i usually bring up only when with him).
laughs at my ongoing updates he finds on BBM. r common love is....animated movies, coffees and discussing our common business and fun times with frnds.
i love to tease him and get angry when he doesnt keep me happy :P
if ever life allows him commit a mistake (he usually doesnt commit any), then he lands up doing it in front of me by mistake.......and lands up having his foot in his own mouth for life.

i met him through my ex-boyfrnd. and have maintained this friendship since then.
brijesh (bossy) is a support to me when im low and fun when im happy :D

but all said and done.......he the best person/friend and family anyone can have in this world.
and everyone in this world has the rights to have someone like BRIJESH in their life.

so yeah, go ahead people and find ur mr or ms brijesh and smile always for having them in ur life.
u'll feel lucky to have them. trust me!!!

thanks for all the love, care, fun u have had with me and guidance u have given me for life in life to lead a better future.

THANK U BOSSY!!
loads of love and good luck to michele and u in life :D
god bless u both!
stay happy and keep smiling!!
muah!!!

P.S:- if i left out on anything, sorry!

mess!!!

hey all!!!

well today im gonna share with you the nightmare i had whole of last week.

my mom got me a proposal. and understand!!! :P
well, this guy happens to be the son of a relative (a very complicatedly so relation. my mom's sister's {my masi} brother inlaws nephew. cousin nephew) so yeah, its kinda complicated and a funny relation web.

so this idea stuck my mom's mind in dec 2010, to which i had clearly said a NO. and i thought mom had forgotten about it after that. but to my surprise, mom hadnt. and she again raised it after 5 months on may.
again somehow i managed to wave it off me. but this time my mom crossed all limits possible. she spoke to the relatives an also fixed the date of meeting the boy's family last week and went ahead with all the procedures without informing me or discussing it with me.
and as i have mentioned it earlier, i was always against this proposal.

you all must be wondering, WHY??????
well, the reason for me being negative since day one about this proposal was extremely simple and clear in all means possible.

• this proposal was happening within the family. 
• the boy wasnt mature enough to take such a big responsibility.
• he was a mom's boy (pet to his mom, and would agree to anything n everything she says).
• he wasnt financially independent.
• did not know wat kinda girl he would want as a life partner.
• was in a relationship and was being forced into a marriage with me and did not have the guts to oppose and stand up for his love. 
• we did not know each other at all.
• and of all.........i did not like him or respect him for all that he was.......is.

so yeah, my reasons r clear. and also........i knew if i did say a NO, it would spoil the internal relations in the family among elders.

still, inspite of making everything so clear my mom went ahead and spoke regarding this proposal and went ahead with a series of meetings.
meeting the family (elders------elders)
meeting the boy (my parents--------boy)

and imagine my horror, they boy's family or the boy himself hadnt seen me and were ready to get us engaged.
i, being an independent girl through out fought and fixed a meeting with he boy.
meeting the boy (the boy, his brother---------me, my uncles)

and i wont lie to u all, this meeting was just a formality.
i knew my answer! it was a NO! (At any cost)
so yeah, as soon as the NO was out..........there was this big chaos in all the 3 families.
my mom and her brother were forcing it on me and so was the mediator family.(According to them, this was the best proposal i would have got in my life. be it till date or in future)
the boys family was obviously ready (in the boys house, his grandpa decides such things and he had said a yes to me, without even meeting me ones. but bcos he had said YES, the boy had to agree).

so according to the elders the engagement was to be held on sunday. early evening!
but i, said a NO and stood adamant on my decision.
sunday morning my uncle (dad's younger cousin {whom im extremely close to} came down from mumbai only for me) and dad went to the boy house and gave them my negative answer towards this proposal.
and after an hour...i went there only to land up seeing shocked faces.
yeah, in a marwari community (one of the most conservative Indian communities) a bride or to-be-bride doesnt go to the in-laws house or to the house whr the proposal in being spoken at without any prior information or permission.
so i went there and cleared my stand, by informing them that:-

• the reason y i said no to ur son was, i need time to think abt him and this proposal.
• engagement is to quick a step for a life long relation and decision.
• also kindly do not assume i have any affair with someone else so im rejecting ur son.

so very politely and in a neat manner i put across my view on this proposal and got back.
the next thing i got to hear is.......

• the boy's family themselves rejected me.
• their reason was:- girl is to bold, not homely and might be having an affair.
• very out going. 
• drinks
• smokes
• and is a lesbian. (why??????? bcos my FB albums show pics with more of girls than boys)

extremely stupid excuses?????? yup, i know! and even my family realized it soon after hearing such stuff. 
and bcos there were still some kinda awful fights going on, i made up my mind and came to mumbai along with my uncle (who stays here with family).
and yes, im enjoying it here and also watching all the cheap fights happening back there in chennai (my home town).
not fights but arguments between the boys family, the mediator family and my family.
and trust me....the boys family disgusts me with their thoughts, beliefs and ways.

its funny to know that even in today's world we get to see such families and learn about their beliefs............its just so NOT ACCEPTABLE.
i honestly pity the girl who would later be a part of that family.

god save the girl!!!
and bless these people with some brains.

and as i had mentioned earlier......yes, bcos this was a proposal in such close internal family relations.......the relation did get bitter and a lot of abusing, accusing and taunting happened.
which obviously left no prospects of getting ok in future anytime soon.
im sure it would take a few years till all is okay......

but all i would like to say is.......its not always the kids who r wrong. at certain places the parents should realize and understand that even we have the ability to see the good/bad and think good for ourselves as well as the family in general.
we do not always stand against you, but bcos u (parents) r always genuinely worried for us (kids)........u at times do not see wat would happen if things dont work out positively. thats were v try to prove u that we r ur kids and ur upbringing hasnt gone wrong anywhr AND u can feel proud of us.

so if any parent reading this, kindly sit back and think, atleast ones when ur child stands up against u. and for all of my age/below/above.......always have a reason, valid reason to go against ur parents.
make ur parents feel proud of u. not ashamed of ur birth.

i hope u all get to learn something out of this.
take care all!!

keep smiling!!! and spread smiles.......millions of it!

days and nights!!!

hey!!!

this is about the days and nights i spent with my guy...the best moments still fresh in me.
might be weird when u read it...but my mind is filled with it. spilling it out!

i remember the days when he shifted from his company guest house to a flat. far from my place...but dis distance never kept us apart. i was completing my final yr and he was working.
at 1st it was about settling down. furnishing the house with the most basic stuff, the most necessary stuff. how long he was to stay here was unknown. so major furnishing was not in picture.

we went shopping together (bean bag, curtains, bed spreads, some cleaning stuff), pillow was from me. he was bad at choosing stuff :P
settled!!! i visited him almost every other day, we did have eyes on us. the flat in which he stayed...the other building people would often stare and may b also passed dirty comments on us....specially ME.
but it just dint matter. bcos ones the door was locked....it was only the 2 of us. and nothing mattered more than those lovely moments v spent with each other. r intimate moments!!!
i remember those lovely things he would whisper in my ears while making love to me....smile!!! that's wat i did...my lips did.
v did not fix a time or day to love each other...just the touch was enough.
unlike a normal couple behaved...r relationship was quite weird. v fought all day long, for the stupid reasons possible and never ever tried to understand the other while or after the fight.
but just that smile when v looked at each other made us forget everything, r fights......r family issues......work or college issues. when v were together, it was just us. we forgot the world for those minutes :P
our world was with each other!

the night outs were difficult...but to stay together v managed all that would take for it. all that v wanted was to b together, nothing else.
i wouldnt eat til he has eaten, i would sleep only after a good night kiss (be it in person or over the phone), i would smile by just seeing his name flash on my mobile screen.....all of it was so pure, so deep and beautiful.
we broke up a 1000 times in 5 yrs and got back. we fought in front of r friends as well. but the love was strong so nothing could do us apart.

he would take care of my silly expenses even if i said "i have money dear, i earn as well. pls dont spoil me"
but his answer would be "i can afford ur SILLY expenses and love to take care of u, pamper u....dont take this away from me ever. pls!!! "
all this was so beautiful and loving! this was my world with him...it was our world!

he was here for about a yr or so...dont really remember. (we were so lost in each other that v hardly kept track of days or time) and this whole period of a yr or so is so fresh inside me even today. all i have to do is close my eyes and i c him...


now we both are married and happy with each-other. blessed by god, family and friends our love hasnt reduced at all...
infact r respect and love has only increased by each day...
we have a new member in our life....our daughter....our little buffy (dog).
the best thing ever happened to us and our life....

thr is so much to say or write rather...the space would end, but not my words.....feelings....emotions.

keep smiling!!!