CONFUSED and RESTLESS!!! :-/

hey all!!!

im back again with a little confusion and restlessness in my mind. to many things in mind and im unable to see anything clearly.  :(

well for the last few days i have been happy from inside but still not happy in my mind. my mind is thinking a lot and seeing to many things. (good and bad)
i actually walked into my ex and now v r back. v wanna take it further from here but complications r to many in r way. i have always learnt to fight the right and find solutions for all the problems that come my way.....but this time it seems a little difficult.
this time its about someone whom i never ever wanna hurt in life. and im standing on a point whr i might have to choose one side outta 2. it aint gonna b easy i know....can see it, sense it.
the silence that surrounds us is an indication that a big storm is on r way and v gotta be prepared to face it. except this time im kinda torn in two parts. my loyalty is gonna b tested.....family or heart! 8-!

v 2 have spoken over it and also know how difficult its gonna be. but i dont know y, for some random reasons....i feel he is forcing himself into it. im worried for him, i want him to b happy. i just hope....tis aint bcos he fears he would lose me if he doesnt stand up now. (honestly, im just thinking abt him and not myself in any way)
are families will agree........wont agree.......i know nothing. but yes, it aint a path laid with rose petals. i see, we see more of thorns in it.
we both have spoken so much on it that v r kinda annoyed now.

over the 3 yrs that had us apart....v have individually faced so much up/downs in life that v r actually keeping that hardship in front of us before taking this step. and i personally have gone bad with words.... :(
i know i might be wrong, but i truly feel im forcing myself upon him which i shouldnt be doing. and i should draw a line somewhere.
but again.......if not him, who else will i share myself with? if its him, should i not be giving him the respect and honor of knowing my better and also a chance to understand me after all the changes that have taken place in me and in my life???
i should be!!! its his right and also my duty.
base of all relations should start on trust and honesty along with respect and love.

so yes, i think its good if v two sort it before its way to late and also if v r bad with words....im sure v can clear the misunderstandings the way v do....with r love.
yup, i think this is the right way.

i know.....i started my blog with some negativity in my mind...but as i was finding words to express myself and inking it down...images were falling into place and im able to find a solution for my issues.

I am gonna stand up for my words and take responsibility of my deeds...and also make sure i do not get ditched.
clarity is very important when certain major decisions r taken in life....marriage is a big step and clarity is very important in dis issue.
im gonna sort it with my guy and then v will take a step. no forcing, no compromises....or emotional atyachar. nope!!!! nothing negative here on.

so people if any of u find urself in similar kinda situation pls sit back and think. dont hide from ur partner ever, that would b the biggest mistake in ur relation.
u have to trust ur partner and discuss all the up/down so no awful situations arrive in future.
u may have random things in mind...but when u start talking, all falls in place. talking is the part v humans avoid always. v fear that the person in front of us might think v r fools. but no, they only respect us cos they know v believe them and r by them today and forever. :)

so speak!!!! and all will b fine.....

yup, i have been a little random and philosophical today...but hey, its my thoughts and now i feel good.
i dont know if my blog makes sense to any of u reading it....but its about me and not u. so i wont sit and give explanations on it to anyone of u.
talking....sharing.......helps!

take care all!!
keep smiling!!

trying to figure out the........

hey all!!!!

yes, im back again today with loads of confusion and a little whining.

well today im gonna share a bit of my inner turmoil. as i mentioned earlier, my marriage talk r happening at home. proposals come.....go and loads of tensions.

being in india and from a marwari family, kundali matching is very important.

so yeah, lotta astrologers r being visited. well let me inform u, i have 2 brothers and cousins in r family who r also of my age and above age.......so proposals being looked for them as well. so astrologers house is our second address  :P

and in all this hush push......all i get to understand is, its good to believe in ur birth chart a little but NOT completely. cos these things totally ruin ur ability to understand, think, decide, explain and most of all stand up for ur judgements in life be it for good or bad. and im off all this now....i dont trust any of these things anymore.

anymore, bcos till 2 months back i was kinda trying to sit with my mom or elder sister and find out wats in my future. curiosity took the better of me and i was actually not using my brains for anything. all i thought of was that wat r birth charts say is right and nothing, not even any kinda change.....changes r life. 

but now.......i disagree to all this.  i believe if v r true in r heart, honestly wish for something and work towards it....everything is possible. may b v wont benefit from it 100%, but something is better than nothing.

its easy to regret in life, but hard to fight...and fighting r way out in life with a smile is always a very satisfying feeling.

and yes this fight in life...with life is always more nicer when v have a company. that company whose presence makes all the difference in r life and whose smile makes us forget everything thats wrong. solutions become easier and the difficulties seem nothing.

i found thats someone of mine back, i think....or atleast im trying to fight it from the destiny and convince my destiny to accept it and fit it in its plans for good. for my smile which i lost on my way in life...

this new fight is gonna be difficult and the result is unknown, still....without a try im not gonna sit back. bcos i dont wanna regret things later.

well, i know im sort of unclear in my blog, still, its okay! im sure most of u out thr must b facing the same problems in life. so this situation aint new......

anyways, im gonna keep u guys updated with everything through my blog and twitter.

cant disclose the details so soon cos broken images make no sense to anyone in this world. a clear picture is always required to understand and judge the whole picture correctly.

till then.....stay happy all!!

keep smiling!!

and take care!!!